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Healthy Connection: Adoption and Parenting

At this point in our lives, Kait and I are very different. Twin sisters never start out exactly the same anyways, right? One big difference is Kait gave birth to her son one year ago. Also, one year ago I announced I was embarking in a journey to adopt a child. While there are a whole list of differences I can tell you, I have decided to dedicate this post to talking about the importance of healthy connection. Kait and I have been truly happy when we stay connected. We went through a few years that we were not truly connected to each other in healthy ways. We realized part of us was missing.  This was impacting our lives and actions.

So, I am adopting a child soon, and I have realized how important it will be to help this child understand their story. Also, I have realized the importance of connection and openness in adoption.

The world of adoption these days can be a hard topic to talk about for those who have little education about the modern day terminology, open adoptions, ethical adoptions, etc. (Please start educating yourself, I posted links to good resources below). I was uneducated, but I knew I wanted to adopt a child one day. So after my husband, Joe, and I started to discern what this meant we asked, "So what is next?" What was next was  the education, healing, tough conversations, support systems, and healthy relationships!

It has been hard for me to talk about our adoption journey. One of the hardest parts was thinking how different my family would be from my twin sisters. Although I know we have grown into responsible adults with different lives I still have thoughts that we have to be the same. I honestly think it is a twin thing. So in order for me to open up more about the adoption journey I had to have a heart to heart with some of the people I love most, like my sister of course! As my husband and I told our families our news on how we are planning to start our family. We got mixed reviews...some hateful, some just quiet, and others overly excited. I am blessed that my sister is one who listens and supports me in many ways. She also carries the burden of family asking her why Joe and I have are adopting.

In hopes to break the quiet burdens that anyone in the adoption triad and community face I will be sharing what I have learned as a prospective adoptive parent so far.

I often worry about what people think of me, what stories they are telling about me that are or are not true, and how they see me. When it came to announcing our plans to start our family through adoption I was scared. Although there have been other children join my extended family through adoption I really did not know the processes that were taken to do this.

Joe and I knew we had to learn more. We started our basic education online, and then realized it was important that we embark in an ethical adoption. We also realized we were very unfamiliar with the adoption terminology. We began our process quietly, attended trainings, and filled out the paperwork. Then it was time to find our supports! Who supported us? Who needed more education? How do we support our confused family?

 As we began to build our support system I struggled. I constantly thought about questions I thought people were asking about me such as,  "Are they facing infertility?" "Are they rich?" "Do they want to be in debt?" "Are they trying to be heroes?" Right now,  I could leave you hanging and keep my life more private, but the answer to all of these questions is no.

I started to feel that I needed to either explain myself over and over again to people or sit in a closed room and not tell the world why I was adopting. A newspaper article was written about us, and still to this day I have yet to read it all the way through. So, the feelings do not disappear. There are ups and downs for all involved in the adoption process.

However,  I have realized the most important thing. I have to start preparing to be an advocate for this future child that will join my family! I was exhausted with my own inner voice, I was forgetting the most important thing, the child. This was the reason I was adopting. I had learned about the ways open adoptions are empowering, healing, and saving lives in the U.S. There are ethical adoption services that need to be lifted up. There is new adoption terminology that can help strengthen communities and create beautiful adoption triads. There is so much the adoption community can do that is strengthening individuals and communities. When the burdens we face are lifted healing, openness, hope, and love are at the center of relationships. I think that is the true calling for adoption, to create relationships that have those values.

So join Joe and I in this journey, learn with us, and find your role in the adoption community!


Some adoption resources I am going to highlight are:

Adopt Together: Learn the importance of the adoption community. Learn about domestic, international and foster to adopt. Also read a diverse set of stories from birthparents, adoptees, and adoptive parents.

Dwell Orphan Care: A resource for adoptive parents to connect. Also the founder of Dwell is who Joe and I first discussed our discernment for adoption with.


Love to you all,

Kacie




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